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My Purpose

POEM: My Dreams, My Dreams, All I have are my…

According to croberts5…

This piece is very special to me and I hope that it inspires you, if even in the smallest way, to hold on to that thing that keeps you up at night, that itch that keeps you scratching, the fire that keeps you burning. Dream your dreams in real life, walk in the achievement of you aspirations. You are good enough.

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My dreams, my dreams all I had were my dreams; my dream to be cool and my dream to be seen:

                Back in middle school I always wanted to be like the cool kids, figured if I spent enough time around them I could figure out what cool is. But that should be “what cool was” but around them I faked, like I didn’t know, cause to them that’s what cool was. It was either render your knowledge of grammar irrelevant or reduce yourself to a social degenerate. Instead of lashing out and calling them dumb, I had to understand the place of privilege that I’d come from. What I should have done was teach and shown them what I had learned, but I chose to stay silent, cause cool was what they preferred. And when I go back home I wish I could change what I didn’t do, what I didn’t do for them, I’m trying to do for you. You see all that we knew, was where we were from, that was our world, the parts and the sum. So many people that I should have kicked it with, if I had put in that time maybe they wouldn’t be in their current predicament. We all had hopes and we all had dreams, but life in the future isn’t always what it seems.

My dreams, my dreams all I had were my dreams; my dream to go to college, and my dream to get that cream:

                We never got to see too many black intellectuals, cause things that were the most black were, violent or sexual. We never got to read the book Native Son, or learn about the work that Fannie Lou Hamer had done. And even though my school was 95% percent black, when it came to AP classes I was one of three black men left, out of a class of 25 and I want you to tell me why. Maybe they didn’t think we were intellectually capable, but their elite and privileged psyche’s proved to be unstable and fragile, cause they crumbled under the knowledge that I dropped like a gavel. I had just read Ballot or the Bullet when one of my teacher’s said “These are Malcolm’s kids” misguided and mislead. But just as much as him, they belong to Madame CJ, cause if you know my generation you know we tryin to get paid. But we also belong to Garvey cause we tryin to go back to places we’ve never been. I feel so cheated cause they sold my people so short, not knowing about careers, unless they were entertainment or sport. You see we didn’t know what we didn’t know, so we never knew what we should have known, but they always knew what we were never taught, so they always knew what we had never known.

My dreams, my dreams all I have are my dreams; my dream to fight the struggle, and my dream to make that my hustle:

                They say there’s not a career for what I wanna be, a revolutionary intellectual activist emcee who uses his rhyme and theory to help the people see clearly. Cause it’s real easy to go through life chillin’ with the blinders on. Like consciousness is your blind spot, and you’d rather just ride along. Silly blue pill eating ass prolly just chasing the girl in the red dress cause her hair is blonde. We went from whips and chains, to whips and chains. Used to be upset when master came to beat us now master knocks us down with bullets and we can barely speak up. Systematic disintegration of the black population through the complex of prisons and continued gentrification. New Orleans, is becoming Orleans New; black folks gone, the construction ensues. But unlike those homes in the 9th I’m trying to build my life on a firm foundation, whether that’s found through dating or found through waiting. Die for the struggle, but can I live for her? Provide in abundance for those oppressed but can I give to her, what she needs? I don’t have all the answers but to her I must implore that if you’re going to be with me it’s a question of and, and not, either or. It’s not that white kids are inherently smarter or more likely to pass, but what they knew were the questions to ask. So I’ll as you, like I asked me.  When you grow up what do you want to be?  When I grow up, I want to love you, even if you don’t like me. I want to be the skull that helps protect our brains; I want to be the hammer that helps break the chains. I want to grow up to be the change I seek, I want to grow up and shine light upon the truth I speak. I’m not trying to lead the revolution, I’m trying to be the revolution, when you look at me I want you to see the revolution. When you look up me in the dictionary it’s gonna say “i.e. the revolution” because I eat, I sleep, and I breathe… the revolution. Many of us pine for money, power, and respect but on the journey to fame too many forget where they came. From hilltops to street pavements there is one thing worse than a dream deferred, which we need to make sure never happens, and that is a dream that never occurred.

My dreams, our dreams, all we have are our… DREAMS!

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About croberts5

Love on accident. Live on purpose. I do some things people label revolutionary, to me they just feel like the truth.

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